13, Just stuff I wrote to get things out.

Tonight I understand, I'm lost.
I'm waiting to be found again.
I've accepted this fate & buried this heart.
But six feet under, I still hear it beating.

Maybe, this time, it's better off this way for our paths to divide.
Maybe, someday, our stories will intertwine again.
Maybe I'll hope to see you in the future, but the future is not promised.

The night is young & these thoughts are already getting old.

As your thoughts change like tides come and go, mine are consistent like the moon. Break away from the gravity.

I can't walk carefully on broken glass. Maybe you should've cleaned up better this time.


Do you know, what it feels like to break your own heart..
when you find out everything you knew before to be a lie.
All this pain, tied to two hearts, didn't have to exist.
If you were only true to your emotions & heart, 
and showed me only that, things could've been different. 
But you fired the final shot, through both our hearts. 
Never letting a chance, a hope, to make its way. 
Your love isn't unconditional if my one flaw is the reason you left. 
So don't try to play the saint, we're both at fault. 
I hoped this wasn't the end of the story, but you've written the ending already. 
Maybe in the future, both hearts can be put to rest. 
Maybe in the future, we can be open and free.

12. Trash.

I've been discarded. Thrown away. Worthless now. 
It only took 3 weeks, but what can I say or do anymore? 
I've done everything that I can...
but a man's trash is another man's treasure, right?

11. Cracking.

I don't want to remember how to care again. I can't...not right now. I'll break. I have enough to deal with, without thoughts of how we used to be haunting me. I love how you can freely go on with your life. I wish I could too, but hearts don't break even.

I'm here with a broken heart and alone, just waiting for you to come back...but I know I shouldn't. I can't let go though.

10. I guess.

I'm okay with it if that's all I'm good for now. Once you are done with me, I'll figure out what to do with myself. Use me. I'm content with existing for just that. But please throw me away before I remember how to feel, how to feel those painful emotions that fill my heart...

9. Numb.

Is it weird to just suddenly not feel anything? After my heart broke for the final time, after crying for a day, somehow my feelings just shut off. I never willed myself to stop feeling. It just kind of happened. I laugh, but it feels empty, just the shell of emotion. Too numb to believe in anything.

8. What I would give for it to be this way again...

And all I want right now is her. Me and her, until there is nothing left. I want to sing to her, to hold her, to kiss her, and to astound her. I want to be everything I can be for myself and for her. I want to change the world for her. I want to make everything okay for her. I love her. RIP 083108♥

7. I hear the sound of my own heart breaking again.

It's sickeningly loud. Broken promises strewn across the floor. Hands holding bleeding hearts. Endless tears from the flood of emotions.

6. I'm scared as hell, as you become this monster I don't know...

What have I done to deserve this...all I've ever done is give you everything that I have. Now your promises are empty once again. I love you and now you don't even seem to have a conscience to even care that I'm hurting. You're breaking my heart all over again. Why have you just given up the fight & let the evil in your mind take over? But even though I'm hurting, I'm still more concerned about you and you could careless. I'm worried about you mental health...and you just disregard everything that I say. The way you are acting is not how sane people act. The things you are saying are scaring me. You're going to push everyone away if they see the 'real' you, as you say, like I have. I don't know what to do anymore but I'm having feelings of deja vu of last time. I know I should probably break up with you to keep my sanity but I worry more for yours and cannot leave you...this is probably going to end up with you breaking my heart again...and this time I don't know if I can live with it if it's forever. You were the One for me, I still want to live and grow old with you, but I know I can't if you stay the way you've let yourself become...

5. What ever happened.

What ever happened to your promise to try harder and work for our relationship? You said it yourself, it requires work. Where has it been lately? I've been trying but it doesn't seem like it's your concern anymore. I'm not trying to be a bitch. I'm scared. Scared as hell right now. I don't want to lose you again. I CAN'T. I wouldn't be able to deal with it. I'd try, but I think I would just die on the inside and slowly kill myself on the outside to kill what I feel inside. I could barely function last time...I don't want to feel that way again...I just want to love you...is it that bad? I want to make you happy again, how do I make you happy again? I wish you'd tell me what to do...